It has been a week since I blogged. I try to take the week and let it sink in before I sit and write down how I feel and what has been going on. Since John’s last chemo treatment each passing day he gets better and better, he is in remission and it shows. I still each day cannot believe this is happening to him, to us, to his family. My heart aches everyday, everyday I hold back the tears of anger and hurt. I pray to whatever God will listen to me, to hear my thoughts and help John and I bear the unbearable. I want him to be well again. I want to be able to go places and do things without having to constantly worry about;
Are there too many people around? Did I remember to bring the hand sanitizer? What little kid is running around in the restaurant or store that may have a cold?
John has been doing things around the house, probably things that he really shouldn’t be doing. He still has his pick-line in. The nurse had mention to him to be extremely careful; he needs to remember this line runs directly to his heart!
This past weekend (Saturday) was a perfect example. The back door to the house is totally shot. It needed to be replaced, and John had it in his head he was going to do this by himself. Ah, not such a good idea. I forget the exact sequence of events, if he had purchased the new door, or if he went to go get the new door on Sat. I think the new door was already there, John wanted to get out the old door and put in the new one.
It simply amazing me on how people can react towards John, full well knowing he is sick. I know to look at him, he doesn’t look sick, but he is. John needed help with this project, no doubt about it. He called his “friend” Gary, who actually has put in a door before so he would know how to do it. No go. Apparently per Gary it would take 3 days to put in a new door and Gary wasn’t going to miss his date that night…he just couldn’t. Good bye…useless creature. John decided to call his brother, very handyman, he would be able to help. John’s brother is great! I wish that I could do everything for John, and not always have to rely on family and friends. At any rate the old door was taken out; new door was put up in around 3 hrs! Not 3 days! Gary, you jerk! He did decide to stop by and see the progress of the door. That is another story for a new entry….too much anger on that one.
Sunday, I think this was the day we went for a cook-out at his sister’s house. Always a great time with his family, they are the nicest people. I have a secret, my two favorites…Jamie and Emily!!! Love those little girls…sorry….I can’t help it!
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday….pretty normal to say the least, John’s nurse comes to change his dressing on his pick-line every Monday. Tuesday, just another Tuesday, Wednesday, today….the day before John’s bone marrow test, he did receive news from Dana Farber, that all of John’s tests up to date look great. It is pretty certain he will be using his own marrow for the transplant. Great news! The nurse from Dana told John he should be able to make a date to come to Boston the beginning of Nov. and be home for Thanksgiving! Now we really would be giving thanks! She will be sending out a packet to explain in further detail. We will still need to take a day before hand to go up and speak with Dr. Jacobsen. John needs to go to the hospital and speak with him and get the full explanation of the bone marrow transplant from start to finish.
Oh my heart, heavy at times when I am writing I just want to break down and cry….sad, angry, angry at this disease and what it does to people….sad….very sad…. I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel…..I am just waiting for it to shine on us